Women always say, “I didn’t know he was like that” when their boyfriends perform acts that cause everyone around them shame. In some cases they really weren’t aware of the boyfriend’s mischievous deeds, but in other cases women knew well in advance they just hoped he would stop.
Most women are not stupid, gullible, dumb, or any other name critics choose to call them for the selections in men they make. For some, they truly had no idea their boyfriend meant bad news for them. The ever-popular question of, “Why did she get herself involved with him anyway?” continues to loom over their heads and the reasons vary depending on whom you ask. Some women may have found out about their problem boyfriend and stayed because of love, status, money and/or power. Others may have stayed because they didn’t want to carry the guilt of leaving their children’s father over issues they feel could be resolved. Still many women feel they can change him.
As long as women continue to believe that the power of sex, money, counselling, personal sacrifice or a host of other strategies to change a bad man will work, they will continue to subject themselves to mental and physical abuse. These strategies simply will never work for some men. There comes a time when women will have to get off their knees whether she is praying to God or pleading to her mate to change. She will have to stand up carrying her self-respect in hand and walk right through the door of “end the relationship now.”
The following advice is written for women who haven’t yet made a commitment or a baby with a “bad boy.” She may be struggling with whether she is ready to settle down with him, distance herself from him or keep him as a friend. Although the best advice is not to offer to carry him or his burdens and just leave him alone, there will be those women who will still stay. If those women choose to stay, they have committed themselves to a hard life of many restless nights, aches and pains at times mentally and/or physically and they most likely will past negative behaviours to their future children and their children.
In the beginning of the relationship, you caught him in a few white lies. He had what seemed like convincing excuses; therefore you let him get away with them. Now the lying has increased and the excuses have become minimal if not at all. Actions you may want to consider are the following: Approach him not only with what you think, but what you know; in other words have proof. Stop taking his lying lightly.
Let him know that this behaviour you will not accept any longer. If he chooses to continue lying, then tell him you will have to end the relationship for good. Once you have made a decision that you are leaving, begin to make efforts to not be contacted by him (change your cell phone number, block his email address, put places you hang out frequently on hold, and avoid telling mutual friends about your personal whereabouts, thoughts and feelings. You must not leave and then go back to him, he will only get better about lying to you over time.
The Player also known as The Pimp
This man is obsessed with being contacted or making contact with the opposite sex. He will use cell phone, email, your house phone or friends to make contact with whomever he meets. He will leave a trail of evidence whether it is the popular piece of paper that slips out of his pocket with a phone number without a name, restaurant receipts, hotel charges, cologne or jewellery gifts, read and sent email that sits in his account that he forgot to delete. He begins to create a pattern in his actions when you have become old and someone else becomes new. Look out for this repetitious pattern.
He may develop his pattern after work on a daily basis working later and later nights at the office then when he comes home he is providing almost too much detail about what happened at work or not at all. Another pattern he may create may be choosing a hobby or interest that is very unusual to his personality and attending this faithfully, what you can do to find out if he is sincere is offer to pick him up from the pottery class on some nights. Watch his reaction.
There may also be the weekend pattern of always “needing to get away, have some time to myself, or I’m so busy with errands.” All the while making little or no time for the two of you to go out and be seen together. When you suggest new places to visit, he finds an excuse to take you to the same area you both are familiar to keep from running into the other woman or women. He finds a way, anyway, to travel to places without you regularly using an excuse such as “I’m going to my mother’s house or hanging out with Rick, Joe or someone you never heard of Frank.” Be careful family and friends will cover for him.
He will call you, at times when he knows you are out and about to see if you will be in the proximity where he will be entertaining the other woman or women. He is protective of his cell phone and his computer; if you tried to check either it maybe password protected. You may want to consider whether having to worry over your man’s whereabouts is worth all of this aggravation. In time, you will become insecure, angry for no apparent reason, and develop a since of distrust toward everyone you meet. This is baggage you don’t need.
He has been around when things go missing. At first you didn’t suspect him and thought items had just been misplaced or he blamed someone else for taking them. Yet, you have always had a funny feeling in your gut that he was the one who made off with your dad’s tools, took your favourite CD, helped himself to some cash sitting around, and other important items. It is time to come up with a plan, set him up. The kind of plan you come up with can’t be easily figured out by him and if you sincerely want your restless conscience to be at peace, then go to great lengths to figure out whether he is trustworthy. Time is money and the longer you stay with him, the more items will go missing.
He is always thinking of a way to separate people from their money illegally. From identity theft to standing on the street corner selling drugs, he always has a knot of money and doesn’t mind living lavishly. Now you may think that what he has told you about his daytime job is paying the bills, but the truth of the matter that job didn’t pay for the designer clothing and expensive jewellery you wear; instead it was the second one you may or may not know about. This man is dangerous. He has enemies and one day some one will catch up with him, you or anyone who associates with either of you, and the sight won’t be pretty. You must ask yourself this question, is he worth putting your life and everyone else’s lives around you in danger?
You can never do anything right. He is often critical, walks around with an attitude and every opportunity he has alone he wants you to stop living your world to be with him. In the beginning of the relationship, you justified his negative personality with excuse after excuse. Whether he is physically ill, illiterate, disabled or mentally disturbed and on medication, you have a right to explain how you feel about him to him.
You may have done this already and got knocked to the ground whether verbally or physically. You may also have told yourself that things will get better and he is making an effort to change. Well that is good if he is sincere about becoming a better man; however, he can make those strides without you living with him and subjecting yourself to his name calling, mood swings, choking, punching, and grabbing. There are no rewards in heaven given to women who allow themselves to be abused by men. There was only one Christ in the Holy Bible and you are not He.
You have invited him once again on an outing and he never has any money in his wallet. During inopportune times, he says he needs to stop at the ATM and you know there is none even close to where the two of you are located. When he offers to take you out, he usually picks a place that he doesn’t have to pay much (despite the fact that when it was on your tab he ordered steak and another time lobster!) He drives your car and doesn’t fill it up, when you mention it; he finally puts some gas in the tank — a measly $5 or $10. Holidays come and go with very little if any acknowledgement from him. Yet, you bought him (and possibly his relatives) really nice gifts whether it was a holiday or not.
He displays affection, says all the right things, and listens to your concerns only when he knows he needs something from you. If you choose to continue a relationship with this man you have options and they are as follows.
You could stop being so generous and treat him how he treats you. For example, when you invite him out, treat him to the kind of places he takes you. Put a limit on how often he drives your car. Avoid helping him when he is in a bind since you know he won’t help you. Make yourself unavailable to run errands for him and anyone associated with him (that includes his children by a previous relationship, his mother, sister or brother.) If he begins to see you are no fool, he won’t continue to run over you and will grow to appreciate you. However, if he doesn’t you will be making it easy for him to walk away from you without you having to break up with him.
The Drunk/ Drug Abuser…
How many times have you seen him intoxicated or using drugs? Is he fun, angry, disgusting or depressed afterward? Are most of the relationship problems you have been facing associated with this type of behaviour? If so, then you will have to consider whether or not you will help him get counselling from a distance, continue to live with him and endure the abuse, leave him alone altogether or create an intervention for him that includes a professional counsellor, family and friends who have all been affected by his negative ways. If he consistently refuses help, then for your own sanity and safety, leave him alone.
About the writer:
Nicholl McGuire is a Published Poet, Freelance Writer and Author. Her book Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate speaks to women who haven’t reached a decision to leave an abusive situation, check out, LINK, for more info.
Recommended link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCHM58vOH18
CBT: Pain and Pleasure?
There is no polite way to say the word for the ‘C’ in CBT, so I will come out and say it, CBT means Cock and Ball Torture. Just saying these words would make most men cringe, while making other’s dicks stand up and say “HI.”
For those people who find pain to be pleasurable, will certainly find this article entertaining and enlightening.
The first question someone asks who has just learned by CBT asks me is why? Why would someone do that to themselves. Well that’s a great question! I think every man is different and there are probably an infinite number of answers. So unfortunately, I can’t answer that question.
Amazingly enough, there are so many things you can do to your cock with even household items to torture it, so I’ve provided tons of information to guide you on your way if you’re interested in trying it.
If you are a novice, then you probably don’t have any of the CBT gear that is out there, however, if you have dabbled a lot, then you might enjoy some of these I am about to discuss.
The first is a chastity device. While it may not necessarily cause physical pain on your cock or balls, if you try to get an erection while wearing one it certainly will. It can be more of a mind game than physical. Knowing that someone else has control over whether your cock can get hard can be very painful and pleasurable.
There is the cock/ball divider, which is a strap that divides each ball so that your partner can spend time on each individually. The cock harness, sometimes called the “gates of hell,” which wraps around the cock while it’s semi-erect, so that when it does get erect, it hurts, and then it can also be attached to a cock leash and your partner can lead you around.
Then there are sounds or penis plugs. Sounds are long, typically metal, sticks that get inserted all the way down inside the shaft into your urethra. Yes, it is okay if you are grabbing your dick in pain right now reading this! The plugs are much smaller and plug up the head to stop the semen from coming out. It can be painful to have the cum build up in the shaft, and that is what people who are into CBT like.
There are ball stretchers which are usually leather straps that wrap around the base of your balls and stretch your balls down. Add weights to them to stretch them out more. Weights are typically called parachutes.
Ball crushers are also fun to use on someone. Imagine two wooden planks attached by screws, and you can tighten the screws and squish your balls. That’s the basic concept, except they come in all forms like plastic, metal, and leather.
Of course you can use nipple clamps on your balls as well, but they do make clips specifically for your balls.
There are other items you can buy and if you did a search on the web for CBT toys, you’ll find all sorts of fun stuff to play with!
Now onto the part where I tell you how to use household items for your CBT pleasure!
If you are interested in tying up your cock and/or balls, shoe string works great and is easy to come by. Separating your balls can be extra torturous when using any string.
As I said before, nipple clamps can be used on your balls, but you say you don’t have nipple clamps? Try binder clips or cloths pins. Binder clips will really hurt and cloths pins won’t be as painful, but both will work on your cock and balls.
If you’re interested in inserting things down into the shaft of your penis, rule one is to make sure you don’t hurt yourself. Q-tips can be very painful when dry, so lube them up first, but be careful because the cotton can get stuck inside and cause problems later. I have some clients who put bengay or icy hot on the tip then stick it inside of them. This is NOT suggested as it may cause all sorts of problems. However, that being said, it is quite painful and humiliating, and will probably leave your penis decommissioned for awhile.
Don’t use anything that has a point on it down your shaft. A straw can work, but the edges on the front might hurt more. The best thing is to find something smooth and thin to put down the shaft.
If you like the idea of the parachute weights, try tying a string around your balls, then tie something to the string, like a stapler or a can of food. They will act as a great weight.
If you want to crush your balls or spank them, books work great, and so does a toilet seat!
Another great idea is to use candle wax on your cock and/or balls. Light the candle and let some wax build up, then pour it anywhere you want. It will work nicely on your nipples too.
Don’t go extreme if it’s your first time, start small and work yourself up. Your pain tolerance will increase over time, allowing you to take more and more.
Of course, I do not recommend or condone any of the above as it can cause a lot of pain and damage to your body. However, I have done these and more on phone calls with my clients (never in person).
Explore your fantasies with this recommended phone sex chat line.
What You NEED to Think about If You’re A Newly Single Woman over 40
Anything you read about being single at 40 will probably suggest how depressing and hard it is Mature dating. Yes, it is hard because social conventions have made it so! But there is nothing depressive about being single at 40. Everyone has their hardships. Maybe you are a widow, maybe you are porced, maybe you are a workaholic and never got married, and maybe you are a single mom. You are a woman who has been through it all and yes it was tough, but it’s nothing to be disheartened about. You are a strong woman of 40 and you deserve to be happy with a man who respects and loves you. So, let’s look at what you need to know before you get back into the dating game:
Dating Has Changed
You have been out of the dating game for long and you need to know that it has changed considerably. It is no longer common that only men pursue women, rather it’s a two-way street now. So, if you have your eyes on someone, go ahead and ask him out.
Let’s be realistic and realize that the potential pool of men available for dating at this age is small. Most have already settled down with wives and kids. But don’t despair! Studies show that in the United States, there are an equal number of single men and women over 40. So, there are single men your age, even if few.
Men Your Age Prefer Younger Women
Another hard truth you need to know is that a typical man above 40 will happily accept women who are 15 years younger but no more than 3 years older. As absurd as it is, at least you know that the next time a man of your age turns you down, it’s not because of you. It’s because of his preferences.
So, if men can date women much younger than them, why can’t you? Young men in their late 20s and 30s claim that they prefer older women. These men find that older women are much easier to deal with since they are mature, well established and independent. This considerably increases the pool of potential men for dating, given that it’s not out of your comfort zone.
Obviously you have to work a little harder to find a suitable dating partner when you are 40 or above. Push yourself to come out of your comfort zone by attending events and social hangouts. Also, get your friends to set up blind dates with people they consider suitable for you. You can also strike up casual conversations with men at places, such as coffee shops, to help you find a date.
These days women over 40 are successfully able to find dates on online dating websites. There are many dating sites that cater to certain age groups. It may seem unconventional but online dating websites have resulted in many success stories, so who knows what you may find there.
XCheaters.com: Top Ten Signs She’s Cheating on You
It looks as if even celebrities get cheated on – what about you? According to Askmen.com, a 2012 survey found that 30% of both men and women, said they might just cheat if they thought their partner would never find out. What are the signs you should be looking for?
Here’s a top ten. Remember, none of them is a sure-fire sign of cheating, but any of them is an indicator of trouble in your relationship that you should take seriously.
1. She doesn’t want to spend time with your family
If she’s more reluctant than before to spend time with your folks, it could be that she’s feeling like a cuckoo in the nest – not quite genuinely involved. It could be a sign of a bad conscience. .
2. She’s always finding fault with you
If you used to get on very well before and now, all of a sudden, she’s inclined to find fault with every little thing you do, you have a problem. If she’s cheating, she’s using her fault finding to justify the fact that she’s having an affair.
3. She’s got a friend
It’s not just any friend. It’s the kind of friend she doesn’t get around to introducing to you. She doesn’t even like talking about her friend. She also seems to be MIA more often than usual.
4. She’s evasive
In happier times she used to tell you anything and everything – even things you didn’t want to know. Suddenly, she becomes secretive and won’t talk about simple things. You ask her where she was yesterday and she comes back with ‘You don’t own me’ or ‘Why do you want to know?’ Another tell-tale is repeating the question. This is a tactic that’s used while the imagination goes in search of a lie.
5. You don’t seem to be on her list of priorities any more
When a woman gets involved in a new romance, she’s definitely going to treat you as secondary to the primary thing happening in her life at the moment – her new man. She starts spending less and less time with you and even cancels dates.
6. She’s revamped her image
Of course, she might have decided that her wardrobe needs an overhaul on general principles, but a woman who is dating a new guy she sees as a potential partner will also look at upgrading her appearance.
7. These days, it’s ‘I’ not ‘we’
Not only is it a case of using the ‘I’ word more often, she also starts doing things on her own that you used to do together. There’s a possibility that she’s found someone else to keep her happy on these jaunts!
8. She’s losing interest in sex
When you first started dating everything was as hot as could be, but now you get the feeling that she’s tolerating you at best and making excuses to avoid physical intimacy most of the time.
9. She doesn’t want to talk about her plans
You used to know all her movements – not because you asked – she just came out and told you. Nowadays, she’s at ‘meetings’ or ‘going on a business trip’ and you never get a lot of information about the where, when and who side of things.
10. She makes it clear that you’re not important to her
When you share an opinion she feels neither the need to support you nor to enter into an argument. Your compliments are met with shrugs or an absent-minded ‘thank you’. If you can’t make a date, she’s not even disappointed.
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